Self-compassion is a huge transformative force. It also is a skill you want to develop if you want to silence your inner critic. Self compassion as a force has the power to free you from the never-ending trap of being hard, mean or even bullying towards yourself and help you start building a respectful, supportive and loving relationship with YOU.
It is your biggest ally on the path to self-love.
It will also allow you to build your emotional strength and resilience, get in charge of your emotions and thoughts and build healthy, fulfilling relationships with others. Because, contrary to what you might believe, being compassionate towards yourself will allow you to be much more compassionate towards others as well.
I know what you’re thinking. If it’s such an amazing power why do we use it so seldom?
So, let’s start with what stands in our way to self-compassion with the biggest stumbling block for most of us. Can you guess what it is? Yes, you’re right! It’s this never satisfied, always critical, or even overly mean inner voice that keeps talking and talking in our heads, stealing our self-worth, self-confidence and peace of mind. The voice that makes you chase the carrot on a stick.
Take a moment to look at the image of the carrot on the stick. Do you wonder what it has to do with your self-criticism, self-sabotage and self-bullying? Let me explain:
Silence Your Inner Critic – What I Think Is Keeping You Trapped In Negativity
This is our carrot:
I want to feel good about myself, I want to be happy just being myself, I want to love myself, I want to feel good in my own skin, want to feel proud of myself and want to feel loved and valued. That is what we all want, right?
And this is our stick:
I must be hard on myself, I must push myself hard, I must force myself to be better, to do better, to put more effort in.
We treat ourselves in this harsh, mean, belittling and diminishing way because we believe that it will eventually take us to the place where we can feel good and happy about ourselves.
Does that work?
Of course, it doesn’t. Because no matter where we arrive this nasty stick is still with us. Can you see how it works? No matter how hard you try (and how mean you are to yourself) it’s never enough.
Even if you manage to achieve what you planned to achieve, are you happy and proud? Well, maybe …for a few days. But then…. the stick is still there and you start the same old chase again.
Remember this one thing if you want to silence your inner critic
If you were to take just one thing out of this blog post, I would really like you to take this:
You will never, ever be able to please this inner critical voice in your head.
No matter what you do, how hard you try, how much you achieve, you will never satisfy, please or make this voice happy.
You’ll never get to a place where it will say:
‘All right, now. I’m really happy and proud of you. You’re the best girl in the world.’
It will never happen because you see,
THE PROBLEM IS NOT YOU. THE PROBLEM IS THE VOICE!
I would really like you to take a moment to let this sink in. Or, maybe even repeat these words to yourself a few times. The problem is not me, the problem is the voice. There’s nothing wrong with me, it’s the voice that is wrong!
Understanding this simple truth will instantly create a bit of a distance between you and “The Voice“. And this is the beginning of freedom.
How to silence your negative voice, reclaim your freedom and start practising self-compassion
So, there are 2 things that you need to do if you want to reclaim your freedom from the invisible prison of your inner critic and start being kinder, more compassionate and loving towards yourself.
- Learn how to turn the volume of this critical voice down.
- Learn how to practice the best antidote ever – which is LOVING KINDNESS.
Silence your inner critic
Your Inner Critic’s power lies mostly in its ability to act from behind the scenes.
It can hide behind any thought or desire.
It might start to pour poison into your ears right in the middle of an activity you’re engaged in, or just before you are about to make an important decision.
It might stop you from sleeping peacefully at night and drain all joy and excitement out of your happiest days and relationships.
It might make you feel guilty for trying to make yourself feel better, live fuller or start taking proper care of yourself.
It will certainly ridicule the idea that you can fall back in love with YOURSELF!
So, the first thing you need to do in order to take your power back is to look the voice straight into the eye. I know it might feel scary, but I promise you it’s not if you do it the right way. Only then you will be able to get some distance from this voice and stop it from controlling your life.
Once you get some distance you will see that the voice is not YOU. It is just a part of you.
A part that is there for a reason, and in spite of all the nastiness, it has the best intentions.
A part that needs to be seen and heard before it can relax and step aside.
Taming you inner critic workbook
I have created a beautiful Creative Workbook that will allow you to reclaim your power over this voice and maybe even bring some humour in how you relate to it! You can download it for free here: (Download Taming Your Inner Critic Creative Workbook Here)
Practising Loving Kindness is the best antidote to harsh self-criticism & your inner critic.
I’m sure you know the feeling of loving-kindness very well. We all experience moments when this amazing emotion fills our hearts fully. Loving-kindness is the opposite of being judgemental and critical, not to mention overly mean. It is the feeling of warmth, appreciation and love that opens our hearts wide. So seldom though, we chose to direct this feeling towards ourselves.
If you are used to being very critical towards yourself it might feel hard, weird or even impossible to envelope yourself in this comforting and healing energy so that you can silence your inner critic. But this is exactly what your most effective shortcut to practising self-compassion is.
So, let me show you the easiest way to start. All you need is a powerful anchor that connects you to the feeling of loving-kindness within seconds.
An anchor is something that provides reliable support and can hold an object firmly in place. Once you’re safely anchored in loving-kindness it’ll be easy for you to direct it wherever you want to.
Let me give you an example of one of my own anchors. Probably the strongest one.
Self-compassion is accessible through memories stored in our heart
I vividly remember the morning when my first son was born. I was just 23. It was a very long labour, complicated at the end, as it turned out he had a cord around his neck. He was born early in the morning on a sunny June day and I remember the moment when the sun rays started to come through the blinds in the window and I heard for the first time in my life: ‘You have a son!’.
The doctor put him on my breasts and he seemed so tiny and fragile. I was looking with awe at this precious miracle lying on my body when I saw teardrops falling on my son’s little head and I realised that my husband, sitting next to me, was crying.
I can’t find words to describe what I was feeling at that moment.
It seemed like time stopped and the whole world disappeared and there were just the three of us connected deeply in love, gratitude and an indescribable sense of wonder.
My heart was filled with so much love.
This moment is one of my most beautiful anchors. Whenever I need to, I go back in time to that summer morning and that hospital room. It was over 27 years ago, but it just takes me a few moments to focus and relive it almost as vividly as it originally was.
Quiet your inner critic & replace it with feelings of love
I’m sure you have moments like this, too. It can be an important life-changing event, like a baby being born, but equally well it can be something very simple, like a beautiful sunset, a smile on your child’s face, a memory of your granny holding your hand, the pet you adore, a place in nature, or even a scene in a movie that touches you deeply whenever you think about it.
The key is to use this anchor to re-create and re-live the feeling. And then very intentionally use this feeling to bathe yourself in.
This is how to do that:
Go back in time to a moment when your heart was filled with love. It doesn’t matter whether it was yesterday or 50 years ago. It doesn’t matter whether it was a big event or a simple everyday thing. A person, a special moment, a landscape, a scene in a movie … A moment when you were full of love, gratitude, appreciation. When you felt deeply moved by something, touched to the core.
Take a few moments to relive it again with as many details as you can. Notice what you can see, hear, smell, feel on your skin…
And when your whole body is filled with warmth, appreciation and love, direct these feelings to yourself. Just envelope yourself, submerge yourself, bathe yourself in this beautiful, nourishing and healing energy. Breathe it in and allow it to go into every tiny cell in your body.
And repeat every time when you need to silence your inner critic when it gets loud & nasty.
Making a life-changing shift from self-criticism to self-compassion requires some dedication and practice
Two simple but powerful tools that I shared with you in this blog post are all you need to make this life-changing shift from being overly critical, disrespectful or even bullying towards yourself into practising more kindness, compassion and acceptance. I promise this shift will be the beginning of the most amazing journey you can take. The journey back home, into your most natural and deeply fulfilling connection with yourself.
The process does require a bit of dedication and practice. After all, you’ve been practising being mean to yourself for quite a while now. So, if you need someone to cheer you on, keep you accountable and reveal a few secret shortcuts – let’s talk. Book a free discovery session today and I’d be delighted to make this path easier for you.