Feeling Drained Could Mean You Are Spreading Yourself Too Thin
You are incredibly good at doing everything for everyone. There are signs you are emotionally exhausted but you don’t know how to change….How did you get here?
Let see if this sounds like you…
As you stifle a yawn and sit down at the kitchen table after another unbelievably long day, your daughter storms into the kitchen and demands you drive her to her friend’s place as she needs to borrow a dress for tomorrow.
Or, maybe it’s your husband who urgently needs your help with finding his car keys?
Your boss(?) asking if you could open your laptop again and have a quick look at the project that’s due tomorrow?
Wait, it might actually be your friend who needs you to read what her ex has just posted on FB.
You smile, reply with “no problem” and stuff away the increase in blood pressure each request creates.
Signs You Are Emotionally Exhausted & The Cycle Of Request & Acceptance
The cycle of request and acceptance is the way you have been for years.
“It’s not a big deal” (is what you tell yourself).
It’s just an hour of your time and they really need you.
You can go for your walk (do your yoga, watch your favourite series, have a bath, eat a proper meal….) later. Or, maybe ….tomorrow.
But what if ‘tomorrow never comes? Because it kind of doesn’t, right? What comes instead is just another today.
And then…sooner or later, it does become a BIG DEAL. The signs you are emotionally exhausted are right there, it’s time to make a change.
3 Reasons Why You Should Never Ignore That You Are Emotionally Exhausted
If you find yourself running through your days trying to meet the needs, fulfill the expectations, satisfy the demands of others, or even indulge their every whim, please read on. This is no joke.
Each day you allow this habit to run your life gets you into more and more trouble.
Here are 3 reasons why you should put a stop to that today.
- Your body has no problem with saying ’no’
I know saying ‘no’ to others might not come easy to you, but you can be sure your body will not hesitate to say ’no’ to you. There’s plenty of truth in sayings like: ‘you can’t run on empty or ‘you can’t pour from an empty cup’.
We often go on giving, giving, and giving without asking for anything in return, as if we believed our body had some kind of endless supply of energy and resources.
Your body is a miracle. It can adjust and function surprisingly well even in most adverse and over stretching circumstances. But there is a limit to that.
- Relationships are all about balance
Do you ever stop to think why you try so hard to be everything for everybody in the first place?
Quite often the answer to that question reveals a whole list of your most beautiful qualities. You’re caring, empathetic, warm-hearted, sensitive to the needs of others.
And it can also reveal what truly matters to you. People you love deeply, your family, your friends, the harmony, peace, and joy of having good, healthy relationships with others.
But sometimes our best intentions can lead to the worst outcomes.
And this is often the case with overgiving.
Relationships are all about balance. The balance between giving and receiving.
If you feel like you’re giving way more than you receive in return, the balance starts to wobble.
Frustration, anger, disappointment, resentment, and eventually bitterness can become your everyday reality.
And then… what you were striving for in the first place, slowly disappears behind the horizon.
3. It is selfish not to be selfish.
If you asked someone why they tend to dismiss their own needs and put everyone else before themselves, what do you think they would say?
The vast majority would tell you that they don’t want to be selfish.
But what does ‘selfish’ really mean?
According to an online dictionary selfish means ‘lacking consideration for other people; concerned chiefly with one’s own personal profit or pleasure.
This line of thinking might suggest that taking time, space, energy, money…
(or whatever else it might be in your case) to take good care of yourself and attend to your own needs, means you lack consideration for other people. Is that really so?
Let me give you an example.
Emotional Exhaustion: My Client Mary’s Story
My client Mary was a true embodiment of kindness, care, and empathy. She was a wife, a mum of two teenagers and had a busy career.
When I met her for the first time she seemed completely exhausted and her emotions were all over the place. I asked her how she was taking care of herself and she said that she wasn’t.
She said she had no time for self care and there were plenty of more important things she had to focus on.
We tried to fit 10 min long relaxation practice into her days but there seemed to be no space. Between her husband, two boys, a dog, her boss and clients, and a bunch of friends there was not much left for her.
All the people (and animals) in her life relied on her, needed her, she couldn’t disappoint them or let them down. It would be selfish to put myself before them, she said, wouldn’t it? Well…
One day she came back home from work and she found her family waiting for her in the living room. They all gathered there to tell her that her eldest son had been struggling with depression for the last year and was just admitted to hospital.
She was shocked. Everyone knew, except her. They said she seemed so busy, tired and upset most of the time, that they didn’t want to burden her with what was going on with him. That was an eye-opener.
It seemed she ‘was there, all the time, for her husband, her two boys, her dog, her friends, her boss, her clients… but was she, really? Or were they getting just little crumbs of her time, attention and love?
Spread yourself too thin and no matter how hard you try, no one gets what they truly need. (Including you, of course.)
Awareness Is The First Sign To True Change
Trying to be everything for everyone never works long-term. In spite of all the good intentions behind it, it often causes more harm than good. For you and for the people you love.
The good news is, changing these habits is not as hard as you might think. Once you see through the dubious logic of the beliefs that keeps you stuck repeating the same old patterns over and over again, the rest is just a matter of practice.
Let me show you how you can soothe and regulate your emotions within minutes and say goodbye to emotional overwhelm no only in the moment but also long term! Watch my free mini-training here: 3 STEP FORMULA TO SOOTHE AND REGULATE YOUR EMOTIONS AT TIMES OF EMOTIONAL OVERWHELM.